Feelings of Peace

Tonight while talking to my husband I had the most wonderful experience, I felt that beautiful calming and peaceful feeling of the Spirit telling me that I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do. At the moment it was being a good wife and easing my husband's burdens and calming his spirit. It has filled me with such a wonderful feeling that I hope to keep for as long as I can. 

I love this man and am so happy to be his for all eternity, I can't wait to see what the years will bring us.

Tender Mercies

 I love these pictures, the Savior with children, such a tender moment and Mary with her son, Jesus.

I want to be a Mom, its no secret, its something I desire above all else. 

Tonight, while babysitting for a friend I was privileged with such a sweet moment. Part of this little ones bedtime routine was to listen to  some music and dance a bit. 

Well, this little one was sleepy and I was holding her and playing the music. 

She laid her head on my shoulder while we swayed and every once in awhile would look up at me with such a cute face. I am not ashamed to admit I teared up a little, one of the reasons I love babysitting so very much is those sweet little moments. I can't wait to have those moments with my own children, it makes me so happy to look forward to those. 

I think  know Heavenly Father knew that I really needed that, just a reminder on how much he loves me.

The little girl that he is holding, when I was little I always though this was a drawing of me. Now that I am older I do believe it is me, if not literally, spiritually. The Lord loves me and knows me. (Seriously though, i looked JUST like her when I was that age!) I have always had a special love and attachment to this photo.

Quotes of the Day

I think far too often I have a negative attitude about things, however I am hoping to change this. To be more positive and happy and at peace. This quote is another way of saying that what is on the inside will reflect on the outside...or vice versa..something to that affect. I think this goes along with my wanting to be more adventurous, maybe. I want to be more adventurous but inside my brain tells me that I will look stupid, i'll get hurt, or that I can't. Too darn negative, need more positivity!

Now this quote has taken me quite a few years to achieve. In the past I had some difficult relationships, well only one long, drawn out, confusing, and valuable one that has affected me for quite a few years. When this ended, by my choice, I was bitter...oh so bitter and angry. I hadn't been treated very well, and I had lost SO many friends...I felt like I came out of that with none of my old friends. All I saw for probably about 2 years was all the bad that happened, the lack of trust I had in people. It took me several months to believe that my husband(then boyfriend) wasn't going to change my mind, wasn't going to decide that he wanted someone else, that I wasn't good enough for him, that I would be too ugly for him. Like I said this relationship messed me up in so many ways. I hated this person, for such a long time. It wasn't until about a year ago that I finally forgave this person for all of the hurt that was caused. I began to remember the good that came from that relationship; the love of the gospel that I have, the friend's I gained, and all the happy memories that existed. Sometimes I wish I had gotten an apology, but its okay. Now I see what came out of the past, what brought me to where I am. If I had not experienced a long distance relationship it would have been so much harder to be married to someone in the Military...most of our time together has been long distance.

My dear, sweet husband was so amazing during all that time, he was constantly reassuring me how much he loved me, explaining to me how relationships in the past had been for him and how different ours was. He was the most supportive person while I got over all of my trust issues and such. He is a wonderful man and I have never been happier. He has so much patience with me, never gets angry with me, and is just always there to hold me when I cry, to comfort me, to calm me down, to make me laugh, and to love me.

Now I look at all that has happened in my past and count myself as blessed that I have come this far, grateful for the lessons learned, and so glad for everyone I have met in my life. People will come into your life for a season, a reason, or a life time..the tricky part is letting go the people who are only there for a season or a reason..I always wish that everyone could be there for a life time, but its all apart of a plan.

Writing is therapy.

Valentines Day and Adventures!

Well, hubby is absent for this holiday, but thats okay. He has done a very good job making it up to me in the form of jewelry and my favorite flowers ;) Plus it is a hallmark holiday anyway, I choose to love my husband specially everyday, not just on Valentine's Day. I do want to say a Happy Valentine's to my best friend, my better half, my husband, lover, and father to my future babies. I love you. Yeah might be a hypocrite or something. Also super bummed to be missing his birthday again this year...3rd year running we have missed each other's birthdays.

Sweet beach on the coast of Oregon

On another note, my dog is driving me insane! Peeing all sorts of places then chewing on things and getting into everything! Then she has to go and be super adorable and sweet and cuddly..what the heck dog, pick a mood and stick with it!

Sammy loves to sleep like this...Kimber is a sprawler...and bed hog..

For Valentine's day I will be spending the day babysitting, a pretty great way to spend it if I do say so myself. I love kids, always have...absolutely can not wait for my own children. Sunday I was at a friend's house, they have 5 children. I love their kids, its so fun being amongst the chaos and seeing my life in the next 10 years, I honestly can not wait to see my children again! The idea of being a mom is kind of scary though, I mean responsible for this other life...holy cow..but at the same time truly amazing. Every mother (and father) tells me how different is with your own kids and I know it will be hard a lot of the time, but the rewards..those special moments will be amazing. I truly hope that I remember to cherish all the moments with my kids because they only last for so long. I read a poem or a quote somewhere about this and when I find it I will post it because it was amazing...it was about enjoying every minute with your child because before you know it they will be gone. I really hope that I can do that. I have a bucket list that I am starting, well a few actually. 

1. My own personal Bucket list

2. Hubby and Wife Bucket List

3. Things to do with our Children Bucket list.

I want to encourage my children to make a bucket list, to have it hanging for the whole family to see and once a year we cross one thing off of all bucket lists. How cool of a tradition would that be?? On your birthday you can pick one (reasonable) item to be checked off...some would obviously be harder to do or take longer to check off..but it gives them something to work towards.

One of my ultimate lists is to travel the world, unfortunately my husband doesn't feel quite the same way. He is doing this already with his job, while I am stuck at home. stinker. Anyway, he sees traveling as the $$..I see it as a learning experience, a chance to grow, to bond with your family, to explore and do crazy things. I hope one day that at least one of my kids loves to travel as much as I do and we can travel the world together. 

This ride...it was amazing and breathtaking.

Riding a dolphin in the Caribbean...okay maybe I do have some adventure left :)

Growing up I used to be a lot more adventurous...rock climbing(without ropes and harnesses), repelling, caving, sitting on the edge of volcanic craters, and just having a blast. As I got older I drew into myself and became such a homebody who is afraid to do things although in my heart I want to be that adventurous girl again. I am trying really hard to stop worrying about what others think and just having fun...have an adventure. So this year, 2013, I am going to have an adventure with my husband...something outdoorsy..go somewhere new in my state or one surrounding. That is my ultimate  goal...and get pregnant and have a baby ;)

Sammy and Kimber

 I just love these two, but I will always have a special place for my Sammy girl. She really has been a dream dog.

 Kimber drives me insane most days, but she definitely has her redeeming moments, this being one of them.

Power, Love, and a Sound Mind

I love this place. Since the first time my husband took me to Utah, I have fallen in love with those amazing Mountains. Majestic and built by my Savior and Lord.

Its been a difficult week for me, one full of so many emotions. Although I know I have not been as diligent and attentive to my Heavenly Father, I know that he has been of me. Today I felt impressed to read the scriptures, something that I have neglected for far too long, I saw on Facebook (yeah didn't last too long) a scripture that was shared by one of the various pages I have "liked", it was 2 Timothy 1:7-13. As I am typing this I have not actually read the whole thing yet, I started and was stopped with this verse.

7. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Hmm...in the footnotes (of the King James Version with explanatory notes and cross references by the LDS Church) it has the word fear marked also with the word courage. The Lord has blessed not only with the power to overcome temptations and Satan's various influences, but he gave us the courage to face down that adversity. He gave us the ability to love and be loved, such a powerful emotions that binds people together in powerful ways. He also gave us a sound mind; he gave us agency, to choose for ourselves how we are to use these powerful and wonderful gifts to make it through this mortal existence. I also love with this chapter heading it says 'Christ brings immortality and eternal life through the gospel -- Be strong in the faith' I love that last 5 words, BE STRONG IN THE FAITH. As we go through the various trials in our lives; remember, to be strong in the faith. If we believe that all will be well and that the Lord will not give us anything that He knows that we can't handle, we can do anything. I know that Heavenly Father knows ME, personally, better than I know myself. I know that my Savior went through all the pain I have gone through and will go through, he knows the anguish in my heart, HE KNOWS.

Now, reading through this I stop again at verse 5.

5. When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.

I love that he has not just faith, but unfeigned faith. Unfeigned, for those who don't know, means sincere, honest, genuine, and real to name a few. He has an honest faith, something that is genuine and true. When reading further in this verse I learned that it was something he learned from his ancestors. What a marvelous thing that can be taught to our children, unfeigned faith. I hope that my children learn that kind of faith from me someday, I hope I am humble enough to teach them. There is so much that we can teach our children and so much that they just learn from our actions and words we use everyday.

The last verse I really stopped me was this part of verse 8.

8. Be not though therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord

I never want to be ashamed of my testimony, of the gospel that I was so blessed to be born in to. Even though I have suffered and been tested and have fallen and gotten back up again, I am SO grateful for the testimony I have received from every time that I have stumbled. Because of His tender mercies I was able to be Sealed for Time and all Eternity to my best friend and other half in the Logan Temple in December. Although things in my life did not go as I originally thought they would, things turned out well through faith. I stumbled often, but thanks to my Savior and Father in Heaven, they picked me back up. I learned so much from the trials that I was blessed to go through and though they were hard and I often thought I would never make it, I did. I have an amazing ward, with some of the kindest people I have ever met. I have a great family and amazing in-laws whom I love. I am blessed. If there is one thing that my children learn from me, I hope that it is not to be ashamed of their personal testimony. I struggled so much as a teenager and young adult, believing that my testimony was inferior to those around me. It has taken me quite a few years to realize that my testimony is just that mine..different than other based off of my experience, no better or worse than those around me..and continually growing everyday.

I still am not sure where I am going with this blog, but for now this is perfect. I don't know who reads this, but feel free to comment and tell me what your favorite scripture is and why. Share your thoughts with me, no judgement will be given here.

Facebook Hiatus and other stuff

You know what? Facebook is addicting!! I rarely post anything but I have to check it every 10 minutes, especially when I am bored. This week has been a stressful week full of so many emotions, lots of things going on right now. So, I decided to take a break from facebook and I tell you what NOT easy!! But I am on day 2 and it is better and I feel better, facebook should be called Bragbook cuz that is exactly what it is...a place where everyone brags about their life or complains about it...honestly what other purpose is there to it? My husband is always getting on my case about it and he is right, as much as I hate to admit it.

On another note we got another dog! So now we have two Sammy and Kimber. Sammy was such a breeze compared to this stinker, she is 9 months old and just a brat! She chews everything, always seems to be choking on something she decided to taste and pees all over the place. She is super cute and friendly, but definitely a stinker! I can't wait until she is out of this stage she is in! So now we have 2 dogs and 3 snakes...oii! This year my husband isn't deploying, which is a first, (always a chance of that changing) I am hoping we will at least get to spend my birthday together since he will be gone for his! We are slowly making our way through the holidays and such, we have spent most major holidays, except Independence day together and our birthdays..so we are getting there! Ahhh the life of being a military family.

I just want to say that I love my husband and he has been the biggest support in my life and I am so glad that we met and fell in love. He is my other half, from the moment we started talking one on one it has felt natural together. I guess I have looked for that big moment when its like taadaaa...or something like that, but never had it. I was thinking about it last night during prayer and realized that from that first night where we just talked for hours snuggled up in a hammock, things with him just felt right. Like everything was the way it was supposed to be our life was perfect. Things just always felt the way it was supposed to, it has always felt like we have known each other forever and I really believe we have, we just took a 24 year break :-P I have had my ups in downs, only dating a few guys but everyone has taught me something about myself and prepared me to meet my hubby. Its so funny because at the end of the relationships I have been in it seems like the world was ending, but really it was just opening up and beginning.