I think far too often I have a negative attitude about things, however I am hoping to change this. To be more positive and happy and at peace. This quote is another way of saying that what is on the inside will reflect on the outside...or vice versa..something to that affect. I think this goes along with my wanting to be more adventurous, maybe. I want to be more adventurous but inside my brain tells me that I will look stupid, i'll get hurt, or that I can't. Too darn negative, need more positivity!
Now this quote has taken me quite a few years to achieve. In the past I had some difficult relationships, well only one long, drawn out, confusing, and valuable one that has affected me for quite a few years. When this ended, by my choice, I was bitter...oh so bitter and angry. I hadn't been treated very well, and I had lost SO many friends...I felt like I came out of that with none of my old friends. All I saw for probably about 2 years was all the bad that happened, the lack of trust I had in people. It took me several months to believe that my husband(then boyfriend) wasn't going to change my mind, wasn't going to decide that he wanted someone else, that I wasn't good enough for him, that I would be too ugly for him. Like I said this relationship messed me up in so many ways. I hated this person, for such a long time. It wasn't until about a year ago that I finally forgave this person for all of the hurt that was caused. I began to remember the good that came from that relationship; the love of the gospel that I have, the friend's I gained, and all the happy memories that existed. Sometimes I wish I had gotten an apology, but its okay. Now I see what came out of the past, what brought me to where I am. If I had not experienced a long distance relationship it would have been so much harder to be married to someone in the Military...most of our time together has been long distance.
My dear, sweet husband was so amazing during all that time, he was constantly reassuring me how much he loved me, explaining to me how relationships in the past had been for him and how different ours was. He was the most supportive person while I got over all of my trust issues and such. He is a wonderful man and I have never been happier. He has so much patience with me, never gets angry with me, and is just always there to hold me when I cry, to comfort me, to calm me down, to make me laugh, and to love me.
Now I look at all that has happened in my past and count myself as blessed that I have come this far, grateful for the lessons learned, and so glad for everyone I have met in my life. People will come into your life for a season, a reason, or a life time..the tricky part is letting go the people who are only there for a season or a reason..I always wish that everyone could be there for a life time, but its all apart of a plan.
Writing is therapy.
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